Speaking up without apologizing

Express your professional needs without being labeled “difficult”

When you feel the need for change, for space, or simply for respect... you sometimes hesitate to speak up. Afraid of sounding fragile, ungrateful, or too demanding. But staying silent isn’t always a sign of maturity. Sometimes, it’s a slippery slope toward frustration, or worse: burnout.

I was reminded of this while listening to an episode of Diary of a CEO, where Steven Bartlett interviews former secret service agent Evy Poumpouras. She shared how, when confronted with sexism in the workplace, she often chose strategic silence:

“Shut the f** up, do the work.”*

Bartlett responded:

“But if you don’t say anything… aren’t you signaling that you’re an easy target?”

That moment stuck with me. Because it captures a tension many of us live with:

• Should we stay silent to keep the peace?

• Or speak up to honor ourselves?

  
  

The trap: waiting too long to name your needs

I see it all the time in coaching: Brilliant, sensitive, committed professionals, stuck between loyalty, fear of being a burden, and growing frustration.

They believe that expressing a need (for clarity, recognition, or more autonomy) will make them seem “difficult.”

So they stay quiet. And over time, they absorb more than they should. Until they break, or blow up, often at the worst moment.

And it’s not just at work.

In relationships too, how often do we stay silent to “keep the harmony”? But what we don't say builds up. And what builds up…spills out, as distance, resentment, or emotional exhaustion.

What we suppress to avoid conflict often becomes the very source of it.

The key: posture before message

CANVAS is a living framework I developed through my years of experience in leadership, coaching, and my own personal journey. It helps me return to what truly matters, especially when emotions run high.

Here are three key markers from the CANVAS approach to help you speak with clarity and discernment, without getting lost in emotion or fear of being judged.

Communication: What you say and how you say it

Expressing a need doesn’t mean giving an emotional monologue. It means clearly naming what’s affecting your well-being or performance.

A concrete example that works wonders:

“When expectations change mid-project without being clearly communicated, I find myself getting stuck. Could we take a moment to clarify the process moving forward?”

This kind of message:

• Doesn’t accuse anyone

• Describes a real impact

• And suggests a constructive next step

  
  

Most importantly, it reflects real positioning: You take responsibility for your experience, without blaming, without demanding, simply to move forward together.

AttentioN...read the room

Yes, express your needs. But not at just any time, or in any way.

When I was a manager, I learned something crucial: My emotional state had ripple effects. If I was tense, confused, or overwhelmed, my team felt it and responded accordingly.

So I learned not to say everything in the moment. But I never stopped paying attention.

That’s the nuance: It's not about saying everything you feel. It’s about listening to what keeps coming back, those signals that deserve to be acknowledged.

In doubt? Always validate.

But without slipping into paranoia:

“Maybe she meant this…”“He looked at me funny, he must be upset.”

If you often catch yourself reading situations this way, it may be worth asking:

Why do I so often feel unsafe or rejected in subtle ways?

Sometimes the real work isn’t about speaking more, it’s about rebuilding your inner safety so you stop interpreting the world as a threat (Which is never easy, of course, we're all human).

Strength: Be clear with yourself before expecting to be heard

Before expressing yourself outwardly, you need to do the inner work.

What am I really feeling? Is this a temporary discomfort or a recurring imbalance? Am I aligned with what I’m about to name?

The clearer you are with yourself, the less you’ll feel the need to convince.

And most of all: You don’t need to apologize for having needs. You're not “too much. ”You’re self-aware.

And that kind of clarity can change a relationship, a team, or an entire trajectory.

And you, what do you choose?

For a long time, I believed that silence would protect me from complications. And sometimes it did. My actions spoke for themselves, and that was enough.

But with time, I learned that saying nothing can also send the message that everything’s fine and it wasn’t always the case.

So what about you?

Are you the type to speak calmly but clearly when something bothers you?

Or do you tell yourself you’re good at “taking it”, that it’s your strength and that you just don’t want anyone thinking you’re “hard to work with”?

There’s no right or wrong stance. But there is a balance to be found, between speaking up and staying grounded, between presence and restraint.

More grounded reflections on how to speak up without burning out: adnevolution.ca/blog