Belonging Without Losing Yourself

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Gandhi

Belonging

We’ve all heard that quote. But this week, it took me back to a moment in my life I don’t talk about often.

A scene I never forgot

All throughout high school, I experienced bullying. But the worst part? Gym class.

Not because I wasn’t athletic. Okay, I’m no athlete either...But every time teams were being picked, I was always the last one chosen. Always. And not quietly. Sometimes, the person who had to take me on their team would ask the teacher, loud and clear: "Do I have to?"

It was brutal. And it leaves a mark.

I wanted so badly to be chosen in those moments. To be part of the first picks. The winners. The visible ones. The ones who are valued without hesitation.

And even though I had loyal friends who truly saw me for who I was, it didn’t fully make up for that deep feeling of being left out, a feeling that showed up again later in other spaces, like school and work.

So in college and in my early twenties, I did the opposite. I tried to blend in, to adapt, to stay quiet, just to be accepted, without making waves.

I’ve always been lucky to have loyal friends

With them, I could be fully myself. And little by little, that gave me space to understand something essential: Belonging isn’t something you have to beg for. It’s built, slowly, with people who know how to see what you bring, even if it’s different.

That kind of safe, judgment-free space helped me take root. It made me feel strong enough to start showing up elsewhere too. First in small ways. Then, in bigger spaces. That kind of confidence didn’t happen overnight. It grew slowly, over time, by being seen as I was, without having to hide behind a version of me that wasn’t real.

But it wasn’t until I became a director that I truly understood the deeper impact of it all.

The turning point

One day, while observing a colleague who seemed “on the outside,” I saw my 15-year-old self reflected in her.

And something clicked. Everyone plays a part in creating a real sense of belonging.

It’s not just up to the individual to adapt. It’s the environment that needs to become more human. And each of us has the choice to either create space, or withhold it.

Over time, I came to realize that what I experienced wasn’t uncommon. But that doesn’t make it insignificant. We all carry stories that shape how we show up, how we seek belonging.

What felt like a good idea at the time, staying quiet, holding back, not taking up space, can slowly turn into a subtle way of disappearing. But when we disappear, we’re not helping build the kind of belonging we long for either. We withdraw from the conversation. We break the connection and without meaning to, we keep the very system going that we secretly wish would change.

It’s a cycle and to break it, sometimes we have to start by showing up again.

So what if, next time, you reached out to someone who usually goes unnoticed? Someone who wouldn't normally be your “first pick”?

You might be genuinely surprised by what you find and by what begins to change, just by making that one small move.

A quiet kind of belonging

Today, I know that belonging doesn’t come from playing a role. It’s not something you earn by making yourself small.

Sometimes, it starts quietly. In the moments where you let yourself be real, where you stop trying to please everyone…and simply allow yourself to exist fully.

And little by little, by owning who you are, you create space for others to do the same.

Because belonging isn’t about fitting into a mold. It’s about daring to be yourself, in a world that only exists if we choose to build it, one change at a time.