Attracting isn't about pleasing
- Audrey Lessard
- Sep 11
- 3 min read
Sometimes, the biggest breakthroughs don’t happen when everything is going well, but when life shakes us a little.
In fact, it’s often after a breakup or a period of doubt that I’ve had my clearest reflections. Is that optimal? Maybe not all the time, but oh, how necessary.
Looking back, I realize it’s often when everything falls apart that we see our flaws most clearly. Today, I’d rather be proactive, asking myself the real questions before hitting rock bottom.
And then this week, I heard a phrase. A spark!
The same questions, in different forms
In love, the question often comes back: “What should I do to attract someone? To be seen.”
In our careers, it takes another form: “What should I do to be chosen by an employer?”
And in a new role, it shifts once again: “What should I do to be accepted?”
Different contexts, but the same worry.
And each time, I wonder: is that really the right question?
The real question: what do I bring?
The “what should I do?” type of questions are born from a desire to be recognized. But they hold a trap: they erase us from the equation.
They make us believe that the power, the decision belong almost entirely to the other person.
The real question is different: “Do I know myself well enough to understand what I bring?”
Because deep down, if you know what you bring and you own it and still, you’re not chosen, you still walk away winning. You walk away stronger.
Why? Because you didn’t accept anything beneath your value. And that, in itself, is already a victory.
When you know your value
In love, you know what you offer: stability, connection, shared vision, values.
In your career, you know what you contribute to a team, to an organization.
In a new role, you know what makes you relevant, and what you want to build on.
Knowing your value isn’t about inflating your ego. It’s choosing to step into a personal or professional relationship while being accountable for what you bring.
It’s a commitment: “Here’s what I’ve built within myself and I’m ready to take care of it.”
And it’s infinitely more rewarding than trying to please at all costs.
The danger of not knowing yourself
On the other hand, when you don’t take the time to know yourself:
you overlook your strengths, but also your flaws;
you have no clear reference point for growth;
and you become vague, hard for others to read.
Why would a partner invest in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know what they bring? Why would an employer choose a candidate unable to name their strengths and their areas for growth? Why would a team trust a new colleague who doesn’t know what they’re building on to contribute?
Not knowing yourself also means refusing to grow. And in the long run, that weakens the relationship.
A truth worth adding
Getting to know yourself is not a final destination. It’s a process that takes time and it’s constantly evolving.
If I had asked the 18-year-old Audrey what she thought of herself, I’m not sure she would have had much to say. And to me, that’s perfectly normal.
The reflection I’m sharing today is based on my personal experience, on my own journey, on what fuels me, on a spark I had and felt the need to share. But above all, it comes from a deep wish: to add value to the lives of my clients and to the people around me.
It’s not a judgment on others. Quite the opposite, I truly believe the world would be a much more beautiful place if we all had the chance to see and express every facet of our personalities.
What truly attracts
What truly attracts is not perfection.
It’s YOU.
The awareness of what you already embody. The willingness to grow in the areas where you know you still have work to do.
In love, as in your career, attractiveness isn’t a role you play. It’s an inner posture that reflects the work you’ve done on yourself.
At the end of the day, whether it’s about love, landing a job, or finding your place in a new team, it all comes back to one truth: You are the most important person in your life.
So you might as well learn to know yourself, recognize your value, see your flaws and choose to evolve.
Because when you do, you naturally become more attractive, not because you’re trying to fit in, but because you embody the best version of yourself.
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